October 12, 2010

When I was in high school, I was a basketball stud.

Well, I played basketball.

And since I could discuss things other than hunting and fishing, I did alright with the ladies in my rural area.

One night, a teammate and I took two pretty girls out.  One was a sexy little blonde point guard from our girls team.  And the other was a slightly exotic looking brunette that just moved to town.

We took them to a local restaurant, where I proceeded to eat 12 pizza fingers.  These were essentially egg roll wrappers filled with pizza fixings, and then deep-fried.  I didn't check, but I suspect this place didn't have any Michelin stars.

We ate.  We chatted.  Then we drove around, as I told stories and acted like the class clown that I was.

At some point we parked.  There was something wrong with the backseat of the car, so I leaned from the front to fix it.

Now the effort involved in my task occurred at what, I can only guess, was an important point in the digestive process.  And before I knew it, there escaped a sound.

A sound that was immediately recognizable.

A sound that was very much undeniable.

And yet I tried.

I offered the explanation that it was just the seat.  That it was old.  That it was creaky.

They all stared at me without blinking.

After six or so hours of awkward silence, I put the car into drive and turned up whatever late 80s slow jams we had in the cassette player.

A tale of lost love?

Not really.  

I dated the hot blonde for four years.

But we never, ever discussed that night again. 

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  1. RejectBastard RejectBastard said: Woaah
  2. mmggbdotcom mmggbdotcom said: I remember one time I was parked with a girl I liked, talking to her. I put my feet up on the dash and got comfortable.. a little too comfortable. A fart popped out... So, I turned to the girl and said, "wanna make out?".. NEVER try to ignore it!
  3. lizzycford lizzycford thinks you're a loser
  4. caprice caprice thinks you're a loser

Loser of the Week
September 17, 2010

Following my freshman year of college, I was packing up my dorm in a hurry.  (Running from low marks and loose women, yo.)  I was carrying a load of books and my room phone (which you rented in those days, and had to return) to the car.  I piled them all on the roof, as I fished in my pocket for keys.

Then I opened the door and fired the books in the backseat.  And I was gone like a reality tv star's dignity.

I was about an hour into the drive home when I remembered that I didn't go to the phone place to drop off my phone.  I looked over my shoulder and noticed that it wasn't sitting on my pile of books.


Then it hit me that I hadn't put it in the car. 

I drove off with it sitting on the roof.

Apparently the girls from the neighbouring dorm weren't waving at me as I left because of my outrageous hotness.  Well not JUST because of the hotness.

Funny thing is that I never did pay for that phone.

Of course, how could they call me to collect?


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  1. TheJohnBlog TheJohnBlog thinks you're a loser
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