July 20, 2014

Ever since I was a kid I've had low self-esteem and never really, REALLY felt comfortable with people. I've only gotten worse with age, partly because I'm smarter now, meaning I'm more critical. The problem is I'm very critical of myself. Sometimes I feel like people can't even tell that I feel worthless and unworthy inside, but I still can't just be cool yo. It feels as though people can tell what I'm thinking from just observing my body language, because I myself am quite good at judging people based on their body lingo. So everytime I do anything, I feel like people know what I'm thinking, and it makes me act even more weird.


I also fantasize almost all the time, even when I'm with actual people. None of my interactions with my peers is ever fulfilling, so I just start fantasizing. I feel like I'm missing something that normal people have, and until I get it, I feell like I'll never be able to be at home in my own skin. I wanna say more stuff and just vent, but it's so hard to articulate what I feel sometimes so fuck it.