Posts tagged with "depression"



March 8, 2015

Im posting after grow up.  It is not as easy as you think, to transform from being a loser.  Im over 30 years old and still feel like a loser.  But its not because of what I do exactly.  Its because as an adult I feel the pressure of such an isolated life.  i have two small children whom are complete slobs!  I ve tried every tried everything I know to get them to pick their things up, i spends hours just going through the house everyday just picking up my boyfriends clothes and my childrens things and making all the meals and getting them to all their activities all the while being in a relationship with a person I grow to resent more and more everyday.  I would say my relationship is physically, emotionally and verbally abusive.  I usually fight back and somewhat beat him at his own game.  But it doesnt get over the embarrassment of being a failure to my family.....i dont have any friends.  When I was a kid we moved alot and I was always popular for a month and then I just became a super target by every popular person.....I mean there was no chance I could work my way up on the social ladder once that happened.  Im I guess what you call a popular loser.  Im expected to shit gold and when i dont meet family or vriends expectations they talk shit or just stop emotionally supporting me.  I cry alot.  I cry as i write this.  Ive gone to a therpist for issues i had with my father....and my therapist told me to get as far away from him as soon as I could, and that though I lived with my mother u til I was 17 (i got decent grades and got out early) as soon as I moved to Los Angeles my family really sort of changed.  I bot the shit end of the stick in life.  I hVe amajor dark cloud that hangs around me.  I needed a lawyer for somethi g once and the lawyer went so far as to say I'm cursed and that I should go to church.  I dont believe I need to prey to god.  I need my family to respect me.  And unfortunately I guess what makes me a loser is  I dont know how to speak up for myself and I ve picked people that have turned i to situations in my life and those situations just dig my loser hole more.  My boyfriend of 5 years is an alcoholic, he has actually gone through pancreatitis 3 times in the last 2 years.  My life is so so hard and when i look at everyone else i just feel so different.  I just assume they must be able to hide it well or at best they are happy.  Ive never been happy.  I found this site and i feel likethere is some common bond, that maybe this isnt our fault that we are losers but that we are so kind and forgiving that people emotionally abuse us by lying to us in all kinds of different ways.  There is no therapist or magic pill that is going to fix us.  I decided to write to you all because as I bet older i really have come to terms with how shitty my life is.  The only thing I would feel bad about would be that i brought two children into this world and then i left them to fend for themselves.  Its hard for me to find an excuse or reason for doing that to them.....but i just do t know how to end the bad relationships i have with my family and my loser boyfriend.  Heas just such a fucking loser.....he practically disgusts me.  Hes even goodlooking and he is just a lazy and vengeful person.  He probably has mental issues like ocd or add.   

Why im writing on here....I wouldnt want to see any of you end up so over life.  Im just a zombie trapped in a body.  Im so unfulfilled in life.  I think the big key that i can share is you have to learn to walk away from the people that are treating you horribly.  I know I was alot more confident when I graduated from high school and moved out of my parents home.  I started to go to school, but I was in Los Angeles and te commute to school was 2 hour each way, my parents failed to help me purchase a car.  i believe going to college is a really good step for the people reading this.  Even if it is just a few classes.  The thing that no one wants to tell you is, your twenties are the best timea of your life....get as far ahaead in your twenties as you can.  Get a job, employers are more willing to hire a you d person than an old person with no education.  Its the sad truth.  That is why unemployment is bad, no one wants to hire a 35 year old who doesnt have experience or college.  I suggest staying out of relTionships u til your thirty.  Another myth, no one wants to be the one that nabbed te sleaze, because a sleaze will still walk talk and act ?ike a sleaze.  I got the buy who was the popular sleaze and all he does is telling me how fat i am or how he could get anyone in a minute....i could too, but i got kids....life isnt about sex, it really should be about money. I !ove money....love love love money. But i really want my own money....piles of it.  I want to help people...lots of people, but alas i cant be the activist and then become rich....it just doesnt work that way. Maybe I want it because everything else in my life is so in flux. Money is concrete ya know.  Dont have kids ever,  really, if you can help it.  Not unless you are really happy in life, it thi k we can all agree it is not fu. To feel so alone, especially when we all have people in our lives.  Not until your life is somewhat tbe way you want it to be and you feel happy because ygou have a car and a home and a great love and you are over the depression for years....dont have children!!!!  It will only make thi gs worse and make you feel more worthless....you feel like your life is in shambles....by about 5 years old childrens unhappiness begins to show that are the insight to future problems.....and those are problems you have to help a 5 year old with, that usually involves another childs parents treating your child poorly or vice versa....dont get me wrong children are so sweet and cute but for me, i dont like most of my childs neighborhood parents and that causes alot of tension between the children, that they dont even know about.  So if you reply Ill try my best to write back....thanks for reading.  May you have a totally awesome day just being who you are!!!! And i will try to do the same, I promise!!!  Im going to go hang out on my inversion table.

 

 


  1. lyfsux lyfsux said: I have lots of things in my life that have to do with my family not respecting to even call me on the phone. Your not alone in this....I will be an older person you can comment to or with.


November 22, 2014

But wait, there's more!

I'm a total loser cuz I've been a loser my whole fucking life.

In grade 5 I gave up on good grades. Grade 5! That's not an age to be making any decision but I did!

In grade 10 I gave up on going to school, resulting in me being kicked out of my catholic all-girls shithole in my graduating year. I then had to go to an alternative school, which I also skipped 90% of the time. Just cuz anxiety. This resulted in me taking online classes to get my diploma.

But wait!

I'm not even sure if I got my diploma! Because I'm too anxious to call the school board and have them send it to me! And if I don't have my diploma, I'm only one credit away. So close! But too far away for me cuz I make no attempt. I'm literally one foot away from the finish line but it's too much work. Just call me Mrs. TotalShitheadLoser von AnxietyandDepression.

But wait!

I was stupid enough as a preteen to think the only thing that mattered was boys and sex. Guess what was the only thing I cared about as a teenager? YEP!

At 17 I got my first boyfriend (whose still my boyfriend), lost my virginity, and at the same time I got into weed and other drugs, but those only recreationally.

Wow! Sounds like I'm a partier. At least I'm not a total loser-

NOPE!

I barely leave the house. Just cuz anxiety and depression.

I want to get help for my anxiety and depression, but I'm too nervous to talk to anyone cuz of anxiety and depression.

Since I was 17 all I have done is fuck my boyfriend and smoke a whole shitload of weed. No job. No school. I did some travelling and some chilling with friends but nothing of significance and nothing I personally worked towards.

Wowwhatalife.

I want to die.

At this point I have lost all hope for myself. Because even though I DO want to work for things, and even though I DO think I can accomplish things, I just don't.

Why? I dunno. Anxiety and low self esteem plays a HUUUUUUUUUGE role, but I've been like this before I was aware anxiety and depression existed so I've either always had it, or I've just been a FUCK my whole life.

Ohyah, and of course I play video games too. It's the only thing I do besides read books n NOT do anything.

I am a waste of life.

I don't deserve this body. I'm just letting it age and rot and I do nothing with it.

I'm an atheist but if God exists, I am so sorry I let this gift go to waste. You do not know the remorse I feel.

Here is a list of ALL my accomplishments, since I was born:

  • graduated elementary school
  • was part of the popular crowd in elementary school (the fact this is on this list says a lot).
  • wrote a fanfiction that got over 500 reviews. 
  • got a boyfriend.
  • lost weight / random guys began hitting on me. (Wow such accomplishment -_-; )
  • Got a couple job interviews (never got a job).
  • Travelled to Cuba (boyfriend's dad paid for it).
  • Got my Driver's License.

HAHA I'M SO PATHETIC. LAUGH AT MY LIFE CUZ I DO.


  1. bigstupidpooper bigstupidpooper said: ...as an excuse to not get out and do WHATEVER it is you think you should be doing, e.g. get a job. Guess what, once you have a job that problem pretty much disappears.
  2. bigstupidpooper bigstupidpooper said: Kinda sounds like you like being a loser. If you wanted to stop being a loser, I'll suggest these first steps: kick all smoking bye-bye. You're using it as a crutch. Even though you're anxious and depressed, you're really quick to use anxiety/depression..
  3. bigstupidpooper bigstupidpooper thinks you're a loser


August 7, 2014

Everything started out ok. Not perfect, but ok. My father left shortly after my birth. We were poor. VERY poor, by U.S.A standards. But I was very pretty, and had a good mother and great loving grandparents.

Then sh!t got real.

I can't for the life of me figure out why, but starting in 8th grade, I began to be hated and bullied by my peers. I'd always been bullied off and on by ugly girls, but that year was different. Everyone hated me. I have always had a pretty healthy self esteem, not conceited, but not down on myself. I believe that is because of the love and support I got from my mom & grandparents, but a life of being beat down has shaken me. I found that I am roundly disliked, I cannot figure out why. I've asked the few friends I have made, they say they can't figure it out either. School got so bad that I eventually quit, on the advice of my principle & my mother too.

The years went by, & here I am, a middle aged woman. Fragile health, so I cannot work or drive, no man after 2 failed marriages, the second worse than the first,... and that's saying something. Hardly any friends & the few I have live far from me. You know I never was good at making friends, but it gets even harder the older you get, & not working but staying home because I'm sick all the time doesn't help. I don't have any social anxiety, I'm not shy. I'm a loyal friend,  have been told I'm very funny. So why am I so disliked? Why am I so alone? Why were all the men in my life horrible nightmares?

Disability is a pittance. I live on $700. a month. Imagine that.

My once good looks are long gone. I'm old and fat now, and look as sick and disabled as I am. I live alone, suffer major depression that frightens me at times. They say everyone has their ups & downs, but I seem to only have downs. As bad as the present is, the future looks worse. I have nothing to look forward to but getting older and sicker, living in poverty, then dying alone.

It's not worth getting up in the morning.


  1. weaknoob weaknoob said: Youre a good person so atleast you have good karma and will go to heaven. Im an idiot who wasted my life


May 27, 2014

I realized I'm a loser when I had an anxiety and I started eating a lot. I turned fat, short, ugly girl and i'm totally invisible in this world.

Today I went to the theater to watch the new movie X-men: Days Of The Future Past. And I was standing in front of the cashier and waiting for him to finish the previous customer's order. Then I told him :" a mini combo please" but i think he didn't hear me. Two people next to me, first is a girl and he sold the popcorn combo the her first, I was in the middle, and an old guy who was shouting "GIVE ME A FAMILY COMBO AND TWO TEA BOTTLES". And then they left, I still there, he still didn't see me (maybe I was too short), then another girl walked in, next to me again, he ALMOST served her the popcorn until he looked at me and realized I was totally shocked and almost cried because I was there like almost 15 minutes. Oh so now he saw me, and sold me the popcorn combo. Thanks lord.

And I walked into the theather with my fellow classmates who always joking about my weight and my height, they took all the seat while I'm standing there and was very lost. They gave me the last seat in the line. And I was trying to get in my seat, I walked pass their seat and they were like "Oh my god you're so fat" and continued laughing. I stayed quiet for the rest of the movie. 

People always judge me, always hate me even when they first see me. Maybe because I'm not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not tall enough to get their respect. I feel like they always want to kick me out as soon as they can. They will and always see me as a loser in life, in school. In school, I'm a loser with no friends and surround by idiots and rude, mean people. In home, I love my family but my dad hates me and always swearing at me and insults me, when he drunk he will use an excuse to mock me and insult about my life.

Please, I want respect, even i'm not perfect, i'm not looking good. I just want people to respect me.


  1. sabotageous sabotageous said: So, you're fat: Have fun with it. Don't take it so seriously. Make jokes about it yourself. Don't be a sad sack. Why did you stand their 15 minutes? You've gotta shout at people and demand respect and attention.
  2. sabotageous sabotageous said: If you are fat and ugly, you should just try to own it. If people make fun of you because you are fat, it makes sense because you are fat. However, lots of fat and ugly people have friends, and some even become celebrities. Fix your attitude.


May 25, 2014
I am depressed. I have been for a few years now. Recently I haven't been able to breathe correctly anymore. It's as though I can't get enough air into my lungs. I blame this on the anxiety I have because of my depression. I know I need to see a counselor but I don't want my mother to know( I live with her ). I don't like to do anything. I hate school and my job. I am starting to hate my men to the point that I fear them. I have so much anxiety around men because I know the damage they can inflict upon my gender. I hate men. But I don't. I just don't trust them. I have never had an orgasm during sex. Though I've only had sex with one person, so it makes sense. I was a virgin til I was 19. Isn't that so old? I have figured out that what I want in a relationship isn't okay anymore. Not in this century. Heck not even towards the end of the last century. And it depresses me because I don't think I will be happy without it. Apparently I'm really fucked up. I am pretty so I've never had to work at anything. I have bad grades and bad work ethic. I constantly think a about death. And yet I want to live still. I have low self esteem so sorry about these random thought that I think about all the time. :/

  1. rl1111 rl1111 said: I feel the same I think about death an shit to all the time an I am totally alone


December 16, 2013



Loser of the Week
June 12, 2013

I am total loser because I have a lots of talents and dreams and I can't reach it because I am afraid of people, I am suffering from social anxiety since 8 years, I left the university and quit a job, I always avoid social situations because of fear, I don't have friends and I spend almost all the day in the house with the same routine, my dad tell me everyday that I am a loser and he doesn't talk to me anymore, I opened my heart to the person that I loved but after that he started to control me and use my weakness against me he assume that I don't trust in myself and that makes him feel stronger.

I cry all night and sleep the morning... I hate my life everyday !

I don't have the courage to be myself to live the sweet life that I realy want.


  1. aloaqp aloaqp said: Hello, get a job as a street cleaner, garbage boy or bin collector. MOVE OUT OF YOUR DAD'S HOME. Save money every month and send it to a bank to get interest. You can do this.
  2. keanechaplin keanechaplin said: plz giv me your id . i wana talk to you . i really dont care how u look or anything like that i just wana talk to me so plz give me ur fb. mine is keane_chaplin1234@yahoo.com
  3. keanechaplin keanechaplin said: i am 100% just like you. a graduate but no job for 2years.no gf. people take advantage becuz i am kindhearted. i fear talking to people. i am afraid of girls. and just like u i cry everyday and slap myself so hard thinking i ll change after that
  4. keanechaplin keanechaplin thinks you're a loser
  5. jeeturs4 jeeturs4 said: ur life's only truth is ,u wud be die 1 day.so why u afraid frm sme1.be brave nd open ur mind.achieve whtevr u wants to .make future goals nd,try to understand ,if u want to achieve ur goals ,it cn't possible in 1 day or 1month.it takes time ,bt i'm sure


Loser of the Week
November 15, 2012

I'm a fat, black 19 year old undergraduate law student from Canada. I don't have friends, and usually leech onto my younger cousins, who are pretty popular for some company. I don't talk to anyone on the phone except my mother and father, who think I'm pitiful as well. I've never had a boyfriend, or have ever kissed a male before. Sometimes I question myself, whether I'm just that damn ugly, or possibly gay. (I'm just ugly, penis is too beautiful to give up.) As my username shows, I'm a pushover. People take advantage of my kindness-- it's like they know I'll do anything to get some attention from others. I've given out money, time, and effort to people, and have never recieved these things in return. I'm in University at the moment, earning mediocre marks. I skip classes every now and then, sometimes it's really hard for me to get out of bed and drag the day on. I'm also socially awkward, in person, and it seems now on the internet. The handful of friends I've made on the internet are starting to push away because of my awkwardness. Facebook statuses are never witty or worth the read, and because of my low self-esteem I never take pictures. I often deactivate it because my mind tells me that the people I know in life are probably laughing at me. I currently have a crush on a man several years my age, but I know for sure it could never work out because... well...read above you...I'm a fucking loser.

 

This whole rant probably makes no sense. 
I'll go away now. 


  1. aloaqp aloaqp said: You shouldnt live, and yet you live. So it's not your fault, it's your parents' fault. Your dad fucked your mom and your mom gave birth to you. They want you to become a lawyer that is rich and successful. They suck, you suck, everybody sucks.
  2. Catlady2 Catlady2 said: You sound just like me. I am the same age as you... Same exact problems. My only friend is my brother. Never had a boyfriend. Never been kissed. Reading your post makes me feel better that I am not alone. Deep in my heart, I know life will get better.
  3. suicide_me suicide_me thinks you're a loser
  4. suicide_me suicide_me said: eventually, I'm 23 years old guy and never been kissed before and i dont think im ugly at all but i believe the time will come because our ages are the beginning My dear u choose not to be chosen, u r the goddess of ur self, It is u love ur self
  5. suicide_me suicide_me said: thirdly, u don't have friends, havent u ever noticed that it could be better million times than to have bad friends or idiots ? u said u r kind so this is so rare in this world so ur friends must to be like u kind ppl
  6. suicide_me suicide_me said: Secondly, Do u see 19 years old is the whole life ? what abt 29 ? what abt 39 ? what abt 69 and 80 ? u stillin the early early of ur life
  7. suicide_me suicide_me said: First of all, Do u see black skin is a problem ? u don't have a problems with ur skin but who sees it is a problem he has a problem inside him,