Posts tagged with "friendless"



August 8, 2017

I don't feel like going through everything as that depth of reflection makes me feel pretty sick, so I'll just brush the surface.

I'm over 30 and still living at home. Haven't dated in 7 years, or had any sexual contact in that time. The closest I get is when there's a sharp turn on the crowded bus I take to my dead end job. I do manual labour, at least that's what I tell anyone who asks, but what I really do is put things in boxes.

I have 0 friends. literally no one. I don't talk to my parents that much since everytime I do, I can see the disappointment on their faces.

I'm trying to get it together by going to school but from what I hear from the people that took the program, I'll end up at a help desk, helping people turn on their computers. I guess that's a step up or more like lateral movement.

I never thought I would be successful but I didn't think I would be a failure. I'm going to stop now, I feel sick.




November 23, 2015

everyone hates me and says im not so wise even tho i thnbk i am vry wise. and when i invite them out they alwaqys say there to busy and then i cri and cut myself but not really but i put tomato source on my arm nd pretend and no one cares bc im such a loser :,((( 




August 7, 2014

Everything started out ok. Not perfect, but ok. My father left shortly after my birth. We were poor. VERY poor, by U.S.A standards. But I was very pretty, and had a good mother and great loving grandparents.

Then sh!t got real.

I can't for the life of me figure out why, but starting in 8th grade, I began to be hated and bullied by my peers. I'd always been bullied off and on by ugly girls, but that year was different. Everyone hated me. I have always had a pretty healthy self esteem, not conceited, but not down on myself. I believe that is because of the love and support I got from my mom & grandparents, but a life of being beat down has shaken me. I found that I am roundly disliked, I cannot figure out why. I've asked the few friends I have made, they say they can't figure it out either. School got so bad that I eventually quit, on the advice of my principle & my mother too.

The years went by, & here I am, a middle aged woman. Fragile health, so I cannot work or drive, no man after 2 failed marriages, the second worse than the first,... and that's saying something. Hardly any friends & the few I have live far from me. You know I never was good at making friends, but it gets even harder the older you get, & not working but staying home because I'm sick all the time doesn't help. I don't have any social anxiety, I'm not shy. I'm a loyal friend,  have been told I'm very funny. So why am I so disliked? Why am I so alone? Why were all the men in my life horrible nightmares?

Disability is a pittance. I live on $700. a month. Imagine that.

My once good looks are long gone. I'm old and fat now, and look as sick and disabled as I am. I live alone, suffer major depression that frightens me at times. They say everyone has their ups & downs, but I seem to only have downs. As bad as the present is, the future looks worse. I have nothing to look forward to but getting older and sicker, living in poverty, then dying alone.

It's not worth getting up in the morning.


  1. weaknoob weaknoob said: Youre a good person so atleast you have good karma and will go to heaven. Im an idiot who wasted my life