Posts tagged with "poor"

January 22, 2015

I belong to a poor family my father had to work very hard to get me into college.He had very high hopes for me and I wasnt a stupid kid either , but i am ugly as hell, girls are easy around me they always think of me as someone who could never make a move and one or two times when I have tried i ended up being shot down or even worse ignored. With my growing age and every girl arround me being unavailable I am bound to end up alone , cming back to my education , I managed to get into a reputated college but it was never for me all I wanted to do was to make my father happy , but after completeing my degree I have realised that even people who were stupid in class are living a better life than me. They have looks , they have girls they have parental money and establishments which took them far ahead . Overall I am not only jealous but also feel sorry for my parents who had hopes in me that some day i would change mine and their lives. Now I am so ashamed of myself that I dont even want to talk to my parents anymore .There isn`t a day that goes by without me thinking of a suicide, but its the thought of my dad amd mom crying over my dead body that forces me to carry this burden called life. I had no priveleges as a child ,in college i never had money to buy proper cloths or too spend money  on myself so that i could atleast look normal, worse i was starving towards the end . But I never complained I always thought that things might change.But this has become my fate I dont look good, my college education doesnt really matters, I am 23 and never have even touched a girl or i should say I am a woman repeller. I just look at the sky everyday and pray that a long heavy steak to fall from above onto my chest and liberate me of my misery.

August 7, 2014

Everything started out ok. Not perfect, but ok. My father left shortly after my birth. We were poor. VERY poor, by U.S.A standards. But I was very pretty, and had a good mother and great loving grandparents.

Then sh!t got real.

I can't for the life of me figure out why, but starting in 8th grade, I began to be hated and bullied by my peers. I'd always been bullied off and on by ugly girls, but that year was different. Everyone hated me. I have always had a pretty healthy self esteem, not conceited, but not down on myself. I believe that is because of the love and support I got from my mom & grandparents, but a life of being beat down has shaken me. I found that I am roundly disliked, I cannot figure out why. I've asked the few friends I have made, they say they can't figure it out either. School got so bad that I eventually quit, on the advice of my principle & my mother too.

The years went by, & here I am, a middle aged woman. Fragile health, so I cannot work or drive, no man after 2 failed marriages, the second worse than the first,... and that's saying something. Hardly any friends & the few I have live far from me. You know I never was good at making friends, but it gets even harder the older you get, & not working but staying home because I'm sick all the time doesn't help. I don't have any social anxiety, I'm not shy. I'm a loyal friend,  have been told I'm very funny. So why am I so disliked? Why am I so alone? Why were all the men in my life horrible nightmares?

Disability is a pittance. I live on $700. a month. Imagine that.

My once good looks are long gone. I'm old and fat now, and look as sick and disabled as I am. I live alone, suffer major depression that frightens me at times. They say everyone has their ups & downs, but I seem to only have downs. As bad as the present is, the future looks worse. I have nothing to look forward to but getting older and sicker, living in poverty, then dying alone.

It's not worth getting up in the morning.

  1. weaknoob weaknoob said: Youre a good person so atleast you have good karma and will go to heaven. Im an idiot who wasted my life